Blogging Blocks

At the conference I just attended, one of the talks pointed out that blogging is a good method for developing your own brand. It was a good talk and I thank Steve Jones for it. When he talked about blogging he used a magic phrase for me and one that I hope will re-kindle the writing spirit within me. The phrase was “your own voice”. He said that even if a blog contains topics, information and methods that have been reviewed by many others, since it is in one’s own voice it becomes important and significant.


This was powerful to me and as I reflected on it, I wondered why I am so reticent and certainly inconsistent in blogging. What is the block? What is it that keeps me from writing when there are so many topics I want to explore this way? My goals are to settle issues in my own mind, educate others, and at least start conversation on the topic at hand. In this post I am fighting those demons that keep me from finding my voice in this way.

On a side note… It is a magic phrase to me because it was once given to me by a Holy Cross Monk in helping understand a new job situation (not my current one). He said that being new always requires finding your voice or prayer language in that space. This is certainly true in blogging.

The blocks that I can identify today are three. They are lack of confidence, lack of acceptance and shyness. Let me address them one at a time.

When I was in eighth grade I wrote a paper for my class for which I received an A in content and an F in English syntax and usage. Since then, I have lacked confidence in my writing. I have always felt the need for an editor. I have two master’s degrees and yet I do not feel or think I am a good writer. Currently, Mary Chris (my wife) is my editor and she always provides patient guidance and suggestions in how to improve my message through writing and speaking – basically any place I use English. This is good and it has gotten me through those two master’s degrees but it has not improved my confidence. Why writing is important to me because it allows me to practice and improve my skills, talent and over-all ability.

The lack of confidence is the fear of making a mistake in content or expression

The issue of acceptance revolves around my concerns that my topics are of no interest to anyone and I ask, “Would anyone care or read what I produce?” Steve Jones’ talk helped in this area. He said that it really does not matter if the topic has been discussed elsewhere - it is my voice or the angle that I take that becomes significant in this forum. So if I am the 5,000th DBA to discuss how to do a backup, it becomes my way and those who might be curious will be aware of my understanding and see the method I employ. I think this concern has been busted – thank you Steve Jones and the Professional Association for SQL Server (PASS) conference 2011.

The lack of acceptance is the fear of irrelevancy, fear of lack of interest by others and fear of what others will think.

The hardest to overcome of the three blocks is shyness because it is at a deeper level. Perhaps it came from having to go to a new school when I was in fifth grade and not feeling accepted and therefore learning not to take risks in trying to establish new relationships. This followed me to friendships in Cape May, college and new jobs.

I am a person who takes risks. I go into the unknown and see how I fit in places where on the surface I may not be expected to be. For example, politically I am fiscally conservative and gravitate to social conservatism. I believe in self-reliance as one acts within the context of community (a post for another day). And yet, I am a member of a very politically liberal church denomination and parish church. It is a risk being there for me.

Michael Knight, an Episcopal priest, once said to me, "shyness comes across as ‘stuck-up-ness’”, I watched people at the PASS conference avoid interaction and conversations. I suspect it is shyness that is operating in them, a fear of taking the risk. And yet the message that comes across is “that I am too good to talk to you.”

I would like to get to the point of overcoming this shyness. This is one place that this might occur along with other social media, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It is important to take the risk and know that I will live to tell the story. Courage and resolve can overcome the uncomfortable feeling of shyness. Respecting myself and others is also in play as this issue is resolved.

Shyness is a fear of not being accepted personally, fear that I am being pushy, and fear of appearing to be stupid.

These end up here on my blog, part confession and part observation, because I am looking for simplicity in life. These fears, these blocks to writing and other relationships have been plaguing my life for long enough and I am determined to overcome them.

We teach that the opposite of faith is not doubt but is fear and this certainly is another motivation to overcome these issues that have long caused me anxiety and stress. They are not an expression of my faith and they absolutely express things that are untrue about my true self.

Here is to writing and relating to others because I love people, ideas and can grow through them.