At the conference I just attended, one of the talks pointed out that blogging is a good method for developing your own brand. It was a good talk and I thank Steve Jones for it. When he talked about blogging he used a magic phrase for me and one that I hope will re-kindle the writing spirit within me. The phrase was “your own voice”. He said that even if a blog contains topics, information and methods that have been reviewed by many others, since it is in one’s own voice it becomes important and significant.
This was powerful to me and as I reflected on it, I wondered why I am so reticent and certainly inconsistent in blogging. What is the block? What is it that keeps me from writing when there are so many topics I want to explore this way? My goals are to settle issues in my own mind, educate others, and at least start conversation on the topic at hand. In this post I am fighting those demons that keep me from finding my voice in this way.
On a side note… It is a magic phrase to me because it was once given to me by a Holy Cross Monk in helping understand a new job situation (not my current one). He said that being new always requires finding your voice or prayer language in that space. This is certainly true in blogging.
The blocks that I can identify today are three. They are lack of confidence, lack of acceptance and shyness. Let me address them one at a time.
When I was in eighth grade I wrote a paper for my class for which I received an A in content and an F in English syntax and usage. Since then, I have lacked confidence in my writing. I have always felt the need for an editor. I have two master’s degrees and yet I do not feel or think I am a good writer. Currently, Mary Chris (my wife) is my editor and she always provides patient guidance and suggestions in how to improve my message through writing and speaking – basically any place I use English. This is good and it has gotten me through those two master’s degrees but it has not improved my confidence. Why writing is important to me because it allows me to practice and improve my skills, talent and over-all ability.
The lack of confidence is the fear of making a mistake in content or expression
The issue of acceptance revolves around my concerns that my topics are of no interest to anyone and I ask, “Would anyone care or read what I produce?” Steve Jones’ talk helped in this area. He said that it really does not matter if the topic has been discussed elsewhere - it is my voice or the angle that I take that becomes significant in this forum. So if I am the 5,000th DBA to discuss how to do a backup, it becomes my way and those who might be curious will be aware of my understanding and see the method I employ. I think this concern has been busted – thank you Steve Jones and the Professional Association for SQL Server (PASS) conference 2011.
The lack of acceptance is the fear of irrelevancy, fear of lack of interest by others and fear of what others will think.
The hardest to overcome of the three blocks is shyness because it is at a deeper level. Perhaps it came from having to go to a new school when I was in fifth grade and not feeling accepted and therefore learning not to take risks in trying to establish new relationships. This followed me to friendships in Cape May, college and new jobs.
I am a person who takes risks. I go into the unknown and see how I fit in places where on the surface I may not be expected to be. For example, politically I am fiscally conservative and gravitate to social conservatism. I believe in self-reliance as one acts within the context of community (a post for another day). And yet, I am a member of a very politically liberal church denomination and parish church. It is a risk being there for me.
Michael Knight, an Episcopal priest, once said to me, "shyness comes across as ‘stuck-up-ness’”, I watched people at the PASS conference avoid interaction and conversations. I suspect it is shyness that is operating in them, a fear of taking the risk. And yet the message that comes across is “that I am too good to talk to you.”
I would like to get to the point of overcoming this shyness. This is one place that this might occur along with other social media, Facebook, Twitter, etc. It is important to take the risk and know that I will live to tell the story. Courage and resolve can overcome the uncomfortable feeling of shyness. Respecting myself and others is also in play as this issue is resolved.
Shyness is a fear of not being accepted personally, fear that I am being pushy, and fear of appearing to be stupid.
These end up here on my blog, part confession and part observation, because I am looking for simplicity in life. These fears, these blocks to writing and other relationships have been plaguing my life for long enough and I am determined to overcome them.
We teach that the opposite of faith is not doubt but is fear and this certainly is another motivation to overcome these issues that have long caused me anxiety and stress. They are not an expression of my faith and they absolutely express things that are untrue about my true self.
Here is to writing and relating to others because I love people, ideas and can grow through them.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wisdom List Post Number 2
General Entry Three:
If the world sees only the rules of Christianity and rejects it because of that; it’s not the world's fault. The world sees what the Church shows it. Focus on the life of freedom that comes from living within the boundaries. At work, Study of Yancy's Jesus I never knew, Tuesday, March 30, 2004.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
This quote comes from Yancey’s Jesus I Never Knew. The point for me is that the Church, not to mention everybody, is in charge of their own reputation. It is interesting that we are being watched. We are being watched to see if the life we espouse is the life we live. If our rules are inconsistent with the basic principles of our professed life then we can and probably will be rejected.
A former employer said that life is not a test. What we do matters and it matters to those who want to know if we are worth following. Do we live up to their desires?
The history of the church is filled with stories of where cannons, laws and rules become more important than the people we are to serve. I know of a woman coming to a priest to confess an abortion. The priest asked her to leave the church and did not forgive her. I don’t see this as the love that Jesus intended. And I can see how this type of action can leave a person angry and hostile to the Church.
Of course, I spent my time being a legal eagle. I get lost in the proper way things should be done. This at best curtails creativity and at worst breaks relationships. It certainly does not show the love that I have vowed to live by. If I am rejected by my own rules, it is not the person doing the rejecting’s fault – it is my own.
General Entry Four:
They see what they see and I see what I see. When we share it; we have a bigger sight. If we all see the same we only have one sight. At home, Good Friday, April 9, 2004.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
Relationships are everything. When we are in relationships and are able to see and understand what the other person sees – we actually see more. If we are in locked step with each other, then we can be short sighted.
I think this idea of being in locked-step is the essence of GroupThink. This occurs when a group only sees a topic the same way. This is again a deterrent to creativity. There are no new ideas and the group can get locked into an action that the group might reject in the future.
If the world sees only the rules of Christianity and rejects it because of that; it’s not the world's fault. The world sees what the Church shows it. Focus on the life of freedom that comes from living within the boundaries. At work, Study of Yancy's Jesus I never knew, Tuesday, March 30, 2004.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
This quote comes from Yancey’s Jesus I Never Knew. The point for me is that the Church, not to mention everybody, is in charge of their own reputation. It is interesting that we are being watched. We are being watched to see if the life we espouse is the life we live. If our rules are inconsistent with the basic principles of our professed life then we can and probably will be rejected.
A former employer said that life is not a test. What we do matters and it matters to those who want to know if we are worth following. Do we live up to their desires?
The history of the church is filled with stories of where cannons, laws and rules become more important than the people we are to serve. I know of a woman coming to a priest to confess an abortion. The priest asked her to leave the church and did not forgive her. I don’t see this as the love that Jesus intended. And I can see how this type of action can leave a person angry and hostile to the Church.
Of course, I spent my time being a legal eagle. I get lost in the proper way things should be done. This at best curtails creativity and at worst breaks relationships. It certainly does not show the love that I have vowed to live by. If I am rejected by my own rules, it is not the person doing the rejecting’s fault – it is my own.
General Entry Four:
They see what they see and I see what I see. When we share it; we have a bigger sight. If we all see the same we only have one sight. At home, Good Friday, April 9, 2004.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
Relationships are everything. When we are in relationships and are able to see and understand what the other person sees – we actually see more. If we are in locked step with each other, then we can be short sighted.
I think this idea of being in locked-step is the essence of GroupThink. This occurs when a group only sees a topic the same way. This is again a deterrent to creativity. There are no new ideas and the group can get locked into an action that the group might reject in the future.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Bad Day Quota used up!
Let me tell you about my new project. March 17, 2010 was a bad day for me. Right now I don’t recall the specifics - things at work not going the way I planned or liked and my emotions getting the better of me. I decided near the end of the day, that March 17 (with apologizes and thanks to St. Patrick) was my last bad day. I have none left. I decided that I was given a number of self-indulgent days that I have abused and, quite frankly, squandered away and now the quota is up. I have no more days like that left.
Playing this little trick on myself, I hope to control the sometimes out-of-control emotions that rise from unknown internal sources and just plain ruin my day, not to mention life, career and other important relationships.
From a purely rational point of view, I know that I am playing a trick on myself and bad stuff will come down the line. That’s not what I am talking about – I mean “self-inflicted” bad days. This comes from emotions expended on situations or the behavior of others. These things are out of my control and do not need, nor do they deserve the negative internal energy I spend on them, especially when that energy spills (or spews) out on those around me. This is what I can control, and I will.
I ask that you pray for me as I begin this endeavor. I know that life is good and my life is especially good. I have been blest so that I can be a blessing for others. I cannot bless others when I have self-inflicted bad days.
Isn’t it amazing how we as human beings can decide things like this and implement a change? Humans are so finely designed – life is good.
Playing this little trick on myself, I hope to control the sometimes out-of-control emotions that rise from unknown internal sources and just plain ruin my day, not to mention life, career and other important relationships.
From a purely rational point of view, I know that I am playing a trick on myself and bad stuff will come down the line. That’s not what I am talking about – I mean “self-inflicted” bad days. This comes from emotions expended on situations or the behavior of others. These things are out of my control and do not need, nor do they deserve the negative internal energy I spend on them, especially when that energy spills (or spews) out on those around me. This is what I can control, and I will.
I ask that you pray for me as I begin this endeavor. I know that life is good and my life is especially good. I have been blest so that I can be a blessing for others. I cannot bless others when I have self-inflicted bad days.
Isn’t it amazing how we as human beings can decide things like this and implement a change? Humans are so finely designed – life is good.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wisdom List Post Number 1
My wisdom list started when I used a Personal Data Assistant (PDA) and I would enter sayings that people would say to remind me of the wisdom that friends and others have created or quoted. I decided this morning that this was destined for my (neglected) blog. The list is a little long for a single blog entry and it will give me a number of topics. O, and by-the-way, there are two lists – Mary Chris’ and then the general list. Let’s start with Mary Chris’ list first. I will use the designation MCL Entry and General Entry to distinguish between the two lists.
MCL Entry one: “I'd rather ask for forgiveness for accepting someone I shouldn't have than for not accepting someone I should have.” Mary Chris said this at the Transfiguration Vestry Meeting on 8-18-2003
MCL Entry two: “I can't say your sin is worse than mine.” Mary Chris said this at the Transfiguration Vestry Meeting on 8-18-2003
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
The vestry of Transfiguration was dealing with an exodus of sorts. People had heard about the consecration of Gene Robinson as the bishop of New Hampshire (for those who don’t know he is the first openly, gay bishop in the Episcopal Church). Michael Knight, the Vicar of Transfiguration, said that we should be more open-minded when reading scripture. People left the parish because of these events – Wow. Mary Chris had prayed about this issue intensely. This was her statement.
It makes me realize that the person deciding who gets into the church or God’s kingdom is not me. As someone else said that job is taken. It is our place to love the people who come to be with us on our journey to Christ and love and live with them. Judgment is one of the most powerful tools in the arsenal arrayed against the Church and really any group that is trying to be or create community. We need to work on our own sins and not condemn others because of theirs. Oh, if I could only live this way.
General Entry One: “Do I want more than I need? Do I want more than you?” John Buford said this at a Kairos planning meeting on 1-9-2003
General Entry Two: “When we listen that's when they hear us... Loud silence... Speaking by listening.” John Buford said this at Kairos planning meeting on 12-19-2003.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
John Buford and I served on few Kairos teams together. Kairos is an organization within the church that provides spiritual retreats (like Cursillo) in prisons. John and I served at the State Correction Institution of Chester (SCI Chester). These bits of wisdom came during a team meeting in preparation for one of these retreats.
First John was making a point about God’s provision and that it comes for our needs and not necessarily our wants. Our wants can cause conflict and division within the community. This needs to be avoided and we need to learn to be content with God’s provision.
Then John talks about how we should treat the people coming to the retreat. Loud Silence and Listening. This is so true not only in the context of ministry like this but also life in general. I need to listen more and not worry about silence. Loud Silence and listening can be profound to the other. It shows respect and provides an opportunity to learn.
MCL Entry one: “I'd rather ask for forgiveness for accepting someone I shouldn't have than for not accepting someone I should have.” Mary Chris said this at the Transfiguration Vestry Meeting on 8-18-2003
MCL Entry two: “I can't say your sin is worse than mine.” Mary Chris said this at the Transfiguration Vestry Meeting on 8-18-2003
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
The vestry of Transfiguration was dealing with an exodus of sorts. People had heard about the consecration of Gene Robinson as the bishop of New Hampshire (for those who don’t know he is the first openly, gay bishop in the Episcopal Church). Michael Knight, the Vicar of Transfiguration, said that we should be more open-minded when reading scripture. People left the parish because of these events – Wow. Mary Chris had prayed about this issue intensely. This was her statement.
It makes me realize that the person deciding who gets into the church or God’s kingdom is not me. As someone else said that job is taken. It is our place to love the people who come to be with us on our journey to Christ and love and live with them. Judgment is one of the most powerful tools in the arsenal arrayed against the Church and really any group that is trying to be or create community. We need to work on our own sins and not condemn others because of theirs. Oh, if I could only live this way.
General Entry One: “Do I want more than I need? Do I want more than you?” John Buford said this at a Kairos planning meeting on 1-9-2003
General Entry Two: “When we listen that's when they hear us... Loud silence... Speaking by listening.” John Buford said this at Kairos planning meeting on 12-19-2003.
My reaction and why I think this is wisdom
John Buford and I served on few Kairos teams together. Kairos is an organization within the church that provides spiritual retreats (like Cursillo) in prisons. John and I served at the State Correction Institution of Chester (SCI Chester). These bits of wisdom came during a team meeting in preparation for one of these retreats.
First John was making a point about God’s provision and that it comes for our needs and not necessarily our wants. Our wants can cause conflict and division within the community. This needs to be avoided and we need to learn to be content with God’s provision.
Then John talks about how we should treat the people coming to the retreat. Loud Silence and Listening. This is so true not only in the context of ministry like this but also life in general. I need to listen more and not worry about silence. Loud Silence and listening can be profound to the other. It shows respect and provides an opportunity to learn.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Civility
The latest in the news is civility or the lack of it. Celebrities, politicians, sports figures and average citizens are being reported in the news – behaving badly. Have we forgotten good sportsmanship? Why must we disagree by insulting people and calling them the enemy? Why do we even think others are our enemy? Are we that paranoid?
I just saw an old episode of “Happy Days”. Richie and his Dad find themselves on opposite sides of the presidential election. His Dad says that “… He (Richie) has gone over to the enemy.” Wow – even Howard Cunningham.
Do we who call ourselves Christian forget that Jesus said to “love your enemies”? Hollering at people, insulting people, or worse getting violent - it is hard to think that Jesus meant any of those behaviors. I think it comes from insisting on our own way. Remember that St. Paul said something about that when he defined love in first Corinthians 13.
4Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor 13:4-7 (NSRV)
I invite you, as I am, to spend some time with these thoughts and meditate on them. …“[Love] does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful”… And let’s not worry about someone else’s behavior that we can’t control and control our own.
This summer I read that “The best answer Christianity can offer for the problem of evil is the Church itself.” When the church doesn’t live up to the standard of Love placed before us, it doubles the evil.
Peace
Steve
I just saw an old episode of “Happy Days”. Richie and his Dad find themselves on opposite sides of the presidential election. His Dad says that “… He (Richie) has gone over to the enemy.” Wow – even Howard Cunningham.
Do we who call ourselves Christian forget that Jesus said to “love your enemies”? Hollering at people, insulting people, or worse getting violent - it is hard to think that Jesus meant any of those behaviors. I think it comes from insisting on our own way. Remember that St. Paul said something about that when he defined love in first Corinthians 13.
4Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor 13:4-7 (NSRV)
I invite you, as I am, to spend some time with these thoughts and meditate on them. …“[Love] does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful”… And let’s not worry about someone else’s behavior that we can’t control and control our own.
This summer I read that “The best answer Christianity can offer for the problem of evil is the Church itself.” When the church doesn’t live up to the standard of Love placed before us, it doubles the evil.
Peace
Steve
Monday, September 7, 2009
Labor Day Weekend
I really don’t like Labor Day. I get the celebration of the American Worker and the celebration of our productivity. It’s the “End of the summer” thing. I just hate it.
Growing up, I spent my summers in Cape May Point, NJ – free as a bird with little cares in the world - thanks to my parents’ provision. The trouble came when the summer ended and we had to leave Cape May Point to come home and go to school and endure the winter. There was no sailing, no water skiing, no swimming, no body surfing, no fun. Just cold weather, bleak dried up trees and plants, and school. Now school itself was not bad. I loved learning and finding out new things. It was just the people. I just never seemed to get along with anyone except those at the shore.
This pattern is so deep; I get grumpy during Labor Day weekend. I just expect that new nip of cold in the air to bring all those things that made me sad as a child and teenager. So here we go into the winter. Are you ready? I’m not.
That being said, Mary Chris and I spent the most glorious day in Cape May on Saturday. The weather was perfect – blue sky, warm sun and nice breeze. It started with a perfect omelet at McGlades on the boardwalk in Cape May. I had a wonderful walk on the beach in Cape May Point and then soaked in the Bay - followed by a short nap in my mother’s house. We had our dinner at the picnic area near the ferry. The sun just gleamed off the Delaware Bay. The breeze came in off the Bay. Wow it was beautiful
Peace
Steve
Growing up, I spent my summers in Cape May Point, NJ – free as a bird with little cares in the world - thanks to my parents’ provision. The trouble came when the summer ended and we had to leave Cape May Point to come home and go to school and endure the winter. There was no sailing, no water skiing, no swimming, no body surfing, no fun. Just cold weather, bleak dried up trees and plants, and school. Now school itself was not bad. I loved learning and finding out new things. It was just the people. I just never seemed to get along with anyone except those at the shore.
This pattern is so deep; I get grumpy during Labor Day weekend. I just expect that new nip of cold in the air to bring all those things that made me sad as a child and teenager. So here we go into the winter. Are you ready? I’m not.
That being said, Mary Chris and I spent the most glorious day in Cape May on Saturday. The weather was perfect – blue sky, warm sun and nice breeze. It started with a perfect omelet at McGlades on the boardwalk in Cape May. I had a wonderful walk on the beach in Cape May Point and then soaked in the Bay - followed by a short nap in my mother’s house. We had our dinner at the picnic area near the ferry. The sun just gleamed off the Delaware Bay. The breeze came in off the Bay. Wow it was beautiful
Peace
Steve
Friday, September 4, 2009
It begins...
Here I am… I am blogging – wow. There is not much to say at the moment, but it will come. I have wanted to do this for a while and I guess a combination of “what will people think” and “How do I do it anyway and not make a fool of myself” combined to stop me. Recently, I attended a webinar on blogging and got some do’s and don’ts and I watch Julia and Julie and that was encouraging as well. So let’s give it a whirl (as my Dad would have said).
There is the fear of being a fool, since I am Information Technology professional. I have two degrees in Computer Science and have been working with computers since I was in seventh grade – 1967-1968. I should know how to do this stuff, but sometimes the world moves faster than I like and things get beyond me.
Anyway here I am… I am searching for things that simplify life. I think that is my attraction to technology. It simplifies things – when it works well. Sometimes it makes life more complicated especially when it does not work as expected. Please enter into the conversation and together the world might be a better place.
Peace,
Steve
There is the fear of being a fool, since I am Information Technology professional. I have two degrees in Computer Science and have been working with computers since I was in seventh grade – 1967-1968. I should know how to do this stuff, but sometimes the world moves faster than I like and things get beyond me.
Anyway here I am… I am searching for things that simplify life. I think that is my attraction to technology. It simplifies things – when it works well. Sometimes it makes life more complicated especially when it does not work as expected. Please enter into the conversation and together the world might be a better place.
Peace,
Steve
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