Let me tell you about my new project. March 17, 2010 was a bad day for me. Right now I don’t recall the specifics - things at work not going the way I planned or liked and my emotions getting the better of me. I decided near the end of the day, that March 17 (with apologizes and thanks to St. Patrick) was my last bad day. I have none left. I decided that I was given a number of self-indulgent days that I have abused and, quite frankly, squandered away and now the quota is up. I have no more days like that left.
Playing this little trick on myself, I hope to control the sometimes out-of-control emotions that rise from unknown internal sources and just plain ruin my day, not to mention life, career and other important relationships.
From a purely rational point of view, I know that I am playing a trick on myself and bad stuff will come down the line. That’s not what I am talking about – I mean “self-inflicted” bad days. This comes from emotions expended on situations or the behavior of others. These things are out of my control and do not need, nor do they deserve the negative internal energy I spend on them, especially when that energy spills (or spews) out on those around me. This is what I can control, and I will.
I ask that you pray for me as I begin this endeavor. I know that life is good and my life is especially good. I have been blest so that I can be a blessing for others. I cannot bless others when I have self-inflicted bad days.
Isn’t it amazing how we as human beings can decide things like this and implement a change? Humans are so finely designed – life is good.
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That's wonderful insight, Steve. I wish you the best in implementing your strategy. Many years ago I had the similar realization that I could never achieve inner peace if I allowed my feelings to be controlled by the actions of others or by external events. I decided to not let things outside my control exert power over me. Of course we're all emotional beings and our emotions are affected by things outside of our control every day, but keeping the philosophy in mind really does help me recognize and recover from such moments of weakness. What has become known as "The Serenity Prayer" by Reinhold Niebuhr comes to mind: "God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."
ReplyDeleteMy problem with this is: where does the positive energy come from? I don't mean to say that I am full of negative energy, because I am not. I mean to say, that despite my efforts over the years, I find it next to impossible for me to maintain an energy level, be it positive or negative through a single waking day.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to just have a full day of negative energy, or a full day of positive energy, there wouldn't be an issue. The roller coaster of emotions is what makes me sick. Some days I can take my bad mood and turn it into something productive. But most of the time, I can feel them coming on and there is nothing I can do about it.
Plus there is a physical energy level that seems tied to it. The more tired my body gets, it seems the more upset I get. The only thing that seems to counteract my tiredness is caffeine. I know you have told me to sleep more. Last night I went to bed at 11 and woke up at 8:30. This is my daily routine. When I wake up, it is about an hour before I can function throughout the day. This isn't the only amount of sleep that this has this outcome. I know I need at least 5 hours of sleep at night to function. I have tried various times of sleep above 5, and all of them have the same result. Not to mention, I cannot get myself out of bed unless I have something to do in the next half an hour.
Knowing these things about me doesn't seem to change anything. I can't seem to over come this obstacle. On top of everything else, around 5 pm I start to get tired again. To the point where I cannot to find the energy to do anything productive. If I try to take a nap, I will not wake up until 8:30 the next morning, and be just as tired I was when I went to sleep.
I have tried various diet changes to see if this works. If I eat a power bar at 3:30 pm I can usually keep going until 7 pm. If I drink caffeine in the morning, I can focus on things better. If I go for a walk when I get off work, I can get Dexter to calm down so I can truly relax. But its all just patches. Because even if I am eating that power bar, I don't want dinner until 10 because I are it, and I am tired at 7 anyway, so I don't want to make anything.
When I try to force myself to do the things I need to do, I can get some steam going, but my muscles will only allow me to function at a pace that doesn't do anyone any good. And I can convince my body to force myself to do the needed work every time I need to.
So I ask you. Where does the positive energy come from?